Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
