im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
