I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
