something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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