fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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