Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
