the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
