What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
