he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
