OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
