guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
