i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this will be a night to untag.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
