I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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