Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize