well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
