ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
