I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
