Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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