new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
