when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
