Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
