i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
