im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
