instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
