it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize