I have demons in me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
