I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
