Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
