Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
