Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
