Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
