i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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