one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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