how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
