i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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