Cold hands, warm shart.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
