i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
