I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
