you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
