it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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