I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
