You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
