the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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