This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize