got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize