Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
