This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
