Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize