I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
