My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
