It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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