HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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