If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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