he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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