We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
