if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
