i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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