Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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