You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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