Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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