well I can't set my house on fire every night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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