My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
