do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
