If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All I want is dick and wine.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
