either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
