So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
