I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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