Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
