i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
