Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
