I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
