I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He passed out mid-signature
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
