Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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