I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
