If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
