like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
