It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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