By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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