My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
