my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
