he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
