Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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