dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
