ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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