she looked like the before picture.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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