Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just googled if crying burns calories
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Boobs are out for the taking
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
