My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
