last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
