just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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